Okay, so we are gay. We are two gay men sharing a life together as a loving couple. Long before we met, we have always wanted to have children. I have always wanted a life where I can ‘settle down’ like heterosexuals… you know, buy a house, build a home, have a wedding to the one I love and have kids. Let’s not talk about marriage in this blog post as it is a whole other story. So, everything else except marriage (not in Australia, yet!) and having kids are within reach. I went forth to find out how I could fulfill that dream.
Back in early 2000’s, I told myself that I would love to have a child of my own, with or without a life partner. I remember searching the Internet for leads and ideas and suggestions as to be a father as a gay man. Of course, there was fostering, but the rules are strict and the fostering may end and I will be left without again.
Co-parenting was one of those where a gay man (coupled or not) and a lesbian (coupled or not) come together wanting to be parents. They want to make a baby together but still live their own lives – the common thing is the child. Easily done, all with the aid of a turkey baster, and viola… a child in 9 months! Then after that, the child will be co-parented between the two families. An agreement must be developed to lay out when and how long the child will spend with either family. Blah blah blah… it is all too difficult when thinking about the future. I have seen co-parents falling out with each other and in the end, the child will suffer the most. I don’t want that for any child. Never.
Surrogacy was an interesting option and Australia banned commercial surrogacy, so I can’t pay someone to carry a child for me. Australia only allows altruistic surrogacy, which means the surrogate has no financial gain from the process. Back then India was open to commercial surrogacy (regardless if it is gestational or traditional surrogacy) but not many people have gone for it… not enough for me to go “That’s it! I’m there!”. Then there was the USA – I remember researching Growing Generations in the States and it was very expensive, especially if you are after gestational surrogacy – which means more cost for looking for an egg donor. Something that I just couldn’t afford at that time. I continued to research India and went to the extent of speaking with IVF specialists and professionals from various surrogacy agencies!
Due to timing and money, that idea was shelved.
Through the years, the laws started to tighten regarding surrogacy within the country and also regarding international surrogacy. So much so that India option was shut, Thailand option was shut, and the other Third World countries were pretty much unsafe to even consider. What is left now is the USA.
It’s been a long time for both of us as individuals, and now we are ready to build a family life together.