I am certain that I have been permanently scarred (emotionally) by the episode with my parents when I came out to them. It was hard and difficult to understand the rejection that I felt and it still affects me till this day. Last night, I dreamt that my parents wanted Cam and I dead (which I know will never happen in real life) because dream-parents felt I was no use to the world and they would rather get rid of the problem (us) than to live with it. I was terribly upset in my dream as I got Cam involved and I was so very lost. We did flee at one point to prevent ourselves from getting harmed. When I woke, I felt drained but happy that it was just a dream and that Cam was still there beside me.
I understand that through their religious beliefs they couldn’t accept it then (or I keep telling myself that), but the words they chose to use (which I will not elaborate here) were very hurtful and I will never encourage parents to mouth off to their children about anything that they just can’t understand. Parents may think that they are ‘just words’, but they are never ‘just words’ to children when all they want is understanding and support especially in scenarios like coming out. Hurtful words scar children deep down and it will never go away. I was lucky that I had been living away from my parents for over a decade and so I didn’t have to depend on their acceptance to continue living.
I learn from the episode with my parents, but the scars will never leave. I don’t see the scars but it somehow catches up with me once in a while.
The world is a very big place and there is room for everyone.
